MrKD

Selling biscuits for 27p, thats Asda price.
Selling toys for 99p, thats Fisher Price.
Selling rape stories to the press, thats Katie Price.

A salesman rings and a little boy answers the phone

“Hello, can I please speak to the man of the house?” asks the man

“no” whispers the boy, “he’s busy”

“Oh, can I please speak to your mum then?” the salesman asks

“No” replied the little boy, “she’s busy”

“Ok, who else can I talk to?”

“The Fire Brigade” the boy whispers

“Can I speak to the fireman then please?” the salesman asks incredulously

“no” whispers the boy, “he’s busy”

“Ok, Ok” the salesman replies, “who else is there I can speak to?”

“The Police” the boy whispers, “But they’re busy too”

“What?!” shouts the salesman, “What are they all doing then?”

The little boy replies, still in a whisper “looking for me”

A Leeds man walks into a High Street bank & asks for a loan.

He tells the bank officer he is going to Australia on business for two weeks & needs to borrow £5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Yorkshire lad hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the Log Book & everything checks out.

The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank manager & its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the rough-looking Yorkshireman for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collateral against a £5000 loan.

The bank manager then instructs an employee of the bank to drive the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage, where he parks it..

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the £5,000 & the interest of £15.41.

The bank officer says to the Yorkshireman, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, & this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled….

While you were away, we checked you out further & found that you are a multi-millionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow “£5,000″?

The Yorkshireman replies: “Where else in Leeds can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.41 & expect it to be there when I return”

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.
85% of women think their ass has grown too big since getting married..
10% of women think their ass is just as big as it was when they got married..
The other 5% say that they don’t care, they love him and would have married him anyway.

One day I noticing a man spreading white powder around.
Unable to contain my curiosity I went over and asked “what you doing, and what’s that?”
He said “its salt, its to keep the tigers away”
“But there’s no wild tigers for 1000s of miles” I said.

“I know” he said, “its bloody good stuff isn’t it!”

(Credit goes to WSD for above)